Stress and anxiety: my top five tips for coping

You may not want to take advice from someone who regularly struggles, but then again, I struggle and I'm still here so maybe I do know something about it :)

Here are my top five tips:

• Don't neglect yourself. You may be busy and annoyed with yourself for 'wasting time' by worrying, fretting or endlessly googling worst-case-scenarios (or maybe that's just me...), but you still need the time to calm down and look after yourself. Clearly, in fact, you need that time more than when you're not in an anxiety spiral. A walk, a jog, a hot bath - whatever does it for you, allow yourself that time. I would also recommend the positive to-do list, which we used last summer holidays to great effect. Basically, you make a list of things you want to do (kind of like a bucket list, or a before-a-certain-age list) to remind you when you're at a loose end or have some spare time/cash to play with.
• Complementary therapies. As mentioned here before, I love aromatherapy (I have citrus and spice oils on my pulse points to help me focus), but I have also benefited from nice calming herbal tea (chamomile and spiced apple is a favourite) and creative visualisation (pushing worries into a box which you then lock up can be helpful, as well as the old 'happy place').
• Break down your to-do list. Yes, this will make it longer, but it also allows you to cross off a bit at a time of a big job. For example, with a recent writing job, I've made a massive grid listing the sub-topics I'm covering with columns for each labelled 'planned', 'started', 'drafted', 'revised, 'submitted', 'feedback received' etc. Don't snigger; it helps and it's clearly not fully obsessive as it isn't colour-coded :)
• Use a timer. I generally work in 15 minute chunks, although often I'm resetting the timer for another 15 minutes once I've got going. Just committing to 15 minutes at a time really does work.
• Try a gratitude practice. I know, I know, but it really is very encouraging to think about all the reasons you have to be grateful. I also use this basic positive statement idea to remind myself of past accomplishments when I'm busy freaking out that I can't do what I've set out to do. (Don't tell anyone, but sometimes an "I know I can do this because..." list is stuck up above my desk, including examples of things I've done and should be proud of and nice things people have said/emailed to me like positive comments on my work. I know, but sometimes I need these reminders.)

Writing Life: In Praise of Timers

I don't think I would get anything done without a timer. When I'm struggling, when I'm in full rabbit-in-the-headlights, why-do-I-have-73-things-on-my-to-do-list mode, the timer is often the only way I can get started. I say to myself, I'll spend 15 minutes on this job, then the next, and so on. Sometimes, some of my to-do-list jobs can be done in 15 minutes (usually to my complete surprise), but often not. This doesn't matter. 15 minutes of that job done is 15 minutes more than I would have had done without the timer - not to mention 15 minutes less of "omg what am I going to do?" being quite good for my health.

Some days are '15 minute days'. The timer goes off all day, as I switch from task to task, chipping away at them. And if I'm being good, some of those 15 minute blocks can be 'me time'. It's amazing, but 15 minutes reading time can be a real break. This is something I learnt when exam marking. Very little else has the power to refresh in so short a time.

If this sounds helpful to you, and not like the confessions of a crazy person, you may like to check out the Flylady website, where I learnt the 15 minute rule. As a no-longer-Christian Brit reading her US Christian comments, there are times when I find her style a bit gushy and preachy, but at the same time, her advice is sound, and some of the sentimentality even rings true - for example, I think she's right that getting your house in order (quite literally - she's a housework life coach, first and foremost) is a way of loving yourself. I would not be as productive as I am today without having followed her system closely when I was first at home all day with a baby (argh! just realised that was almost fifteen years ago!) Anyway, startling realisations aside, I'll leave you with the suggestion to give the 15 minute thing a go if you're struggling to get going. As Flylady says, "you can stand anything for 15 minutes".

Stress and Aromatherapy

Who doesn't suffer from the effects of stress these days? Personally, I've had issues dealing with stress and anxiety since I was a student. Back at uni, I discovered that essential oils were one of the best ways to treat myself and try to bring back some balance, and they're still something I reach for regularly to deal with lots of small day-to-day things too.

Personally, I tend to use the stimulant-type citrusy oils quite a lot, like Bergamot and Grapefruit. Both of these can be used with depression and anxiety, and I find the citrus scents uplifting. They're great combined with a woody or resin base note like Frankincense (brilliant for stress, as it encourages you to regulate your breathing) or Sandalwood, or with a spice such as Ginger. This kind of blend works particularly well (for me) when I'm stressed/anxious but need to focus to get things done. I use these in traditional oil burners, evaporating off water with a tealight below (I have burners all over the house!), and also usually have a nice citrusy blends in a roll-on to apply to pulse points when I'm out and about.

When I need help winding down, or sleeping, Clary Sage or Marjoram are the ones I reach for, often combined with Vanilla for its warm and comforting smell. Again, this can be in a burner, but I'm just as likely to pop a few drops onto a tissue and slip it in my pillowcase.

If you're interested in finding out more about aromatherapy, I've been using Valerie Ann Worwood's books for years, and would highly recommend them. The Fragrant Pharmacy is where I started - that gives a great overview of essential oils for medicinal purposes. There is also The Fragrant Mind, which (unsurprisingly) focuses on "Aromatherapy for Personality, Mind, Mood and Emotion" and The Fragrant Heavens, about oils for spirituality.

Doing More Things: a happiness project of sorts

Lately, I've been trying to be more present, do more family things, that kind of stuff. It's definitely working. I'm seeing the benefits in my own health (especially in terms of stress-related issues) as well as in that of the family. Here are some recent highlights:

Saturday mornings at the zoo

We joined Twycross Zoo's 'Friends' programme last summer and are now into our second year of membership. This month, they started a Junior Friends scheme where the kids spend two hours on activities with Education Officers, while we wander round the zoo for a bit (and sample the fabulous cooked breakfasts...). I think the kids' highlight so far has been making papier mache pinatas to stuff with lemur treats. I've been really impressed with the activities and it's a great start to the weekend.

Prioritising walks

With two lively dogs (a terrier and a lurcher), a day without walking is never possible, but I have in the past been guilty of letting dear hubby take them on his own so I could get some work done. I always knew, of course, that a good walk is a brilliant way of taking a break as it can recharge and refresh, but when you're struggling to get everything done it can be hard. No more, though - me and my health first, then work. (And of course, work often improves too when you actually take care of yourself...)

A positive to-do list

This is an idea I got from the blogosphere somewhere (I'm really sorry I don't recall where exactly), but it worked really well for us this summer. At the start of the summer holidays, we each made a list of things we wanted to do during the break. We pinned it up on the calendar board and used it for inspiration to avoid frittering away the summer. Not that we had no down time, or ran ourselves ragged! It's all too easy to get to the end of the summer holidays and realise that you haven't done anything special - this list helped us escape that feeling. Isn't it ridiculous that we need reminding that we want to do fun things? But still, having recognised that, we were able to act on it. It's definitely an approach I'd use again.